Learning to say ‘no’

A skill I mastered back when I was a teenager. Saying no may sound like the easiest thing in the world, but for many of us, saying no is almost impossible. Luckily enough for me, I’m pretty independent – I have been from a very young age. As my mum always likes to remind me, I never wanted to sleep in my parent’s bed as a little kid (unlike my very needy brothers) – I loved my space and kept myself to myself. I was walking by 10 months and having full blown conversations by the age of 2. I loved being creative and reading, on my own! And truly, as an adult I adore spending time on my own. Sure, I LOVE to spend time with my friends and family – but I know when and how to put myself and my happiness first and I know how to spend time alone.

This is something I learned from a young age, and luckily, FOMO is not something I suffer from a hell of a lot. Sure, there have been times when my anxiety has prevented me from experiencing certain things, but, the first thing I want to talk about is boundaries. Learning how not to push yourself too hard or too far into things that you genuinely don’t want to do. The easiest way for me to do this was listing all of the things I truly enjoyed doing, and a list of the things I didn’t enjoy so much. For example, I love seeing my friends and catching up, BUT I don’t always like drinking alcohol in busy bars and clubs. So, how to handle this situation? Compromise. I meet my friends once a week for a coffee and a catch up after work. This way, I’m still being social and building my relationships, without sacrificing anything.

The beauty of saying no to things, leaving the party early, or just turning events/plans down because you simply don’t want to go without having to give some lame excuse – it’s a hard one to master. The thought of ‘letting others down’ is a HUGE no no for some people, and it’s totally understandable. For example: how many times have you been invited somewhere, and still went EVEN THOUGH you reaaaally didn’t want to go? My guess is, a lot. We’ve all been there. And to be fair to we, there are some things in life it’s very very hard to say no to. Family events, birthdays, that kind of thing. It can be difficult to establish. My advice in this situation, learn when you’ve had enough. Trust your gut when you feel like you want to go home and don’t feel as though you have to justify yourself to those around you. If the people around you love and respect you, they will just let it go. If they don’t, well then, it’s a test of your relationship. Learning when to say no by trusting your instincts, rather than weighing-up how much your decision will affect other people, will make it 10x easier for yourself when it comes to decision making.

If you fancy learning a little bit more about ‘saying no’, I’d be happy to offer you some more advice!

Just comment and let me know

Lots of love xoxox

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Let’s talk about SELF bullying

This week is #AntiBullyingWeek.

Bullying is something we, as a society, need to address – instead of brushing it under the carpet and leaving ‘them’ to deal with it (who on earth even IS ‘them’ anyway?). And, as much as I am passionate about stopping bullying and believe should all respect one another, I want to talk about bullying in another sense.

That is: bullying the form of self-loathing and self-criticism. Bullying of the self.

There are enough people in this world who want to try and drag you down, so the last thing you need is that little voice in your head doing the exact same thing! Working on yourself is the most crucial step towards living a resilient, confident and happy life – after all, the way you speak to yourself reflects the way you see the world AND the way the world sees you.

The only way we can begin to create a world we want to live in and a world whereby we feel happy in ourselves, is to look inwards. Start observing the way you speak to yourself. The comments you make to yourself when you look in the mirror, or eat that second packet of crisps, or forget to pay your rent on time. How do you treat yourself?

Once we start to reflect inwardly, the world around us changes. I hope you’ll join me in fighting your inner bully this week.

xoxox

My ‘happy pills’ & me

Hello lovelies!

It’s time for me to get REEEEAL honest, because what’s the point in having a blog if you’re not going to use it like a diary full of honesty? I have had a lot of people asking me to write about my experience with mental health-related medication. So here goes: since May 2017 I have been taking sertraline – an antidepressant medication. Sertraline is an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) which, in short, is supposed to boost your brain’s serotonin levels. Serotonin is often referred to as the ‘happy’ hormone, which some people, like me, are lacking in. Serotonin isn’t just responsible for your happiness. It helps with wellbeing, improving your motor skills and much more. I started on sertraline because I was struggling to get through my days without being severely anxious and depressed. These feelings were constant and began to affect everything I did, from socialising with friends to getting good grades at university.

This decision to start on medication wasn’t something I took lightly… For as long as I can remember, I was set against taking any kind of medication for mental health. I was SO worried about being branded as a ‘crazy’ person when people found out (so far from the truth and AS IF people would even care to ask). When it came to applying for jobs and even things such as listing medication at the dentist, I feared the judgement I would receive from others. For years I refused the opportunity to take medication, which of course isn’t the only route, however my mental health suffered dramatically because of this fear of being judged by those around me.

After finally getting to a place where I was ready to face this fear head on, I went to my doctor and was prescribed both sertraline and a 6-week course of cognitive behavioural therapy. From then on, my ability to manage my anxiety and ‘low moods’ changed dramatically. Medication isn’t a magic wand, but it for me it was a well-needed aid in my recovery. The medication raised my low moods to happier ones, and my anxieties became less and less prevalent in general. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, I still had down days and some anxiety, but generally, the medication allowed me to take a step back from my once, all consuming thoughts, and get a grasp on reality which I so desperately needed.

I recently decided to change my medication from sertraline to fluoxetine – another anti-depressant used to help people recover from depression, and has fewer unwanted effects than older antidepressants. I decided to change my medication as I no longer felt it was doing the job it was intended to do. My moods were getting lower and lower, despite upping my dosage, and having talked to my Doctor, she decided to start me on a new path using a different medication. Much like the contraceptive pill, anti-depressant medication works for different people in different ways and for me, the positive effects were no longer ‘working’. I have only been taking fluoxetine for around 3 weeks, so I will check in with you guys when I have established if this medication is right for me.

There is no real moral or lesson to this post, I simply wanted to share my experience with you. But, if you have been thinking about medication or maybe you’re on it now, please don’t compare my experience to yours. Always seek medical advice in order to establish what is right for you! Hey, you might find that therapy, meditation, or another kind of solution is perfect for you. We are all individual and unique, and so are our paths to recovery.

Lots of love x

Weekend break in the country

Hey hey little ducklings, I’m working on a mental health-related post at the moment – so in the meantime, here are a couple of photos I took on a trip to Robin Hood’s Bay. This is a little coastal town (maybe it’s a village cus it’s teeny tiny) in North Yorkshire, England.

My boyfriend Michael and I stayed in a lovely air bnb with the most amazing view of the bay. Here goes:

Join my positive, online community to discuss all things mental health, self-love and well being.

Social media can be such a toxic environment, so it is super important to surround yourself with positive people. I have had the idea to create a Facebook group for a long time but have only just got around to setting it up.

But, here it is! The group has been created to provide a safe, loving space for young ladies to share their experiences, good & bad.

I will be sharing tips on how to live a happy and positive life, activities, recipes and much much more. Feel free to start conversations, discussions or just share your feelings!

If you or anyone you know believe could benefit from this group, please add yourself or send them our way! x

JOIN TODAY > Click here and request to join.

Diet Culture, fitness apps and consumer ads.

Hey guys, I know it’s been a while – I keep planning to get back into blogging, but it just doesn’t seem natural to ‘plan’ creative writing. But, just like that, something inspired me to write this post about diet culture.

Firstly, I want to say I’m not a total moron – I know that we live in a world full of consumer data that pops up everywhere we look. The fact that these sponsored ads even pop up in my timeline makes my eyes roll, but when I saw this It brought up a whole lot of different emotions for me….

Facebook is an app I use, like many of you, to look at stupid videos and chat to my loved ones and friends. I don’t share every detail of my life on there and I certainly don’t spend a lot of time on the app. But this ad got me thinking, what about those girls/boys that do? What about that younger generation who are so heavily invested in social media that they will see adverts like this one and instantly go download the app because they feel like it could ‘improve’ their life?

Luckily for me, I’ve lived amongst #dietculture for so long that I’ve learnt when and how to eye roll at these kind of adverts – but this could SERIOUSLY damage a person’s perception of their body. So I’m not saying that running and working out isn’t good for you – of course it is. But as a society, we need to work on detaching ‘health’ and ‘body’ – because the two have been squeezed together for so long by an industry who just wants to make a profit out of your insecurity.

Go work out FOR YOU. Not to ‘tone your body’ or ‘drop those pounds and transform your body’ – work out for your heart and your mind.

Moral of the story – fuck Facebook. Fuck diets. Live ur life be freeeeeeee 🎶

Tears, travel and lots of pizza.

Good evening folks. It has been quite a while since I posted anything on here. I don’t believe in sharing posts for the sake of it, and if I’m not inspired to write, I won’t write. But I am BACK and I am feeling extremely positive right now. Here’s a little update on my life, my travels and where I’m at right now.

I just got home from the most delightful trip to Naples, Italy. We also spent 3 days on the island of Ischia, which was just so beautiful. As we drove into Naples city centre from the airport, we were met by winding roads and backstreets. The streets where coated in tall buildings, painted white, terracotta and grey. The balconies, lined with colourful washing, left to dry in the summer’s sun. The cobbled streets led to a panoramic view of the Riviera, where deep blue water surrounds the historic city. Later in the day, the sidewalk becomes filled with people, and old men line the streets with their stalls filled with delicious seafood straight from the Mediterranean. Even though my feet hurt like CRAZY from walking miles in cheap flip-flops, we had the time of our lives in Italy and I can’t wait to visit this enchanting country again in the future.

I will share some photos below so you can get a feel for this beautiful place (ft. me and my mojito):

As much as I would love to say that this trip was 100% sunshine, lemons and rainbows, I honestly can’t. I think as someone living with mental health issues, it is important for me to be realistic and to accept that I will always have good days and bad, wherever I am. So, my anxiety decided to rear it’s ugly little head a couple of times on the holiday. From feeling super insecure in my swimming costume, to feeling super overwhelmed for no apparent reason.

But, the thing I always try to remind myself is that life is complicated, and it is complicated for everybody. Everybody has their hang-ups. Some physical, some mental. But it is the way that we react to these hang-ups that defines our path. For example, I could have easily hidden away from my fears and insecurities surrounding my body, by staying in doors or not going swimming. Did I let my fears take over? Hell f**king no. I faced these fears head on – and I am not pretending this was easy.

One thing I find super helpful when it comes to facing anxieties head on is affirmations. Affirmations help me stay grounded and remember what is truly important. For example, when I start feeling insecure about my body, I repeat the 3 things I love about myself. “I know I am kind, I know I am smart and I know I am worthy”. These things, for me, are WAY more important than my physical appearance. Reminding ourselves of the things that truly matter, from our character to our kind hearts – the things that will always be with us – are the things that define who we are. Not our bodies. Not our looks. Not our hair or our nails. Sure, it is a cliche, but it’s the inside that truly matters.

My fears, like many, are very deep-rooted, and it has taken me many, many years to get to a point where I feel strong enough to try and overcome them.

I hope you enjoyed this post, stay tuned for more! ❤